FIX BAYONETS!

Day 309

Here I sit in Qatar, waiting for a flight. I got tagged to attend a conference in Illinois. So, I get to do one of my most favoritest things…travel. NOT!

I don’t mind travel if I’ve made the arrangements and have the illusion of control. Military travel doesn’t even come close to that. You’re at the mercy of those who write the orders to send you off, then the mercy of those who make the flight arrangements, then the mercy of the staff at wherever you stop on the way.

Connections never work as smoothly as commercial travel. Today is Friday. I started from Kabul on Tuesday, because you take whatever transport you can get to make it to Bagram. My flight left Bagram yesterday and only took five hours to arrive here (via C-130) where they shuffled us through immigration and customs, then drove all around the base to confuse us before dropping us off at billeting for a place to sleep.

It’s warm enough here to take care of any ideas you might have about just wandering around to see the sights. (such as they aren’t.) It’s also really humid. The temperature has been a little over 105 degrees and the humidity has been ridiculous. The 105 is barely enough to make me sweat, but this humidity just wets you down immediately. It’s humid enough to swim.

The air base is quite the contrast to Kabul. Very sandy, but sort of a happenin’ place. “Get your alcoholic beverage here!” (limit of two). Swimming pool, billiards, music and some dancing. And this isn’t even the actual R&R center.

Fortunately, there isn’t much to see but sand around here, so I won’t miss leaving. The town is supposed to be nice, but there isn’t any chance I’ll get into town. My flight tonight is supposed to leave at 2300, so I have a full day of boredom.

I locate the vehicle operations center, hang around for most of the day waiting for their shuttle to the airport. The drive in is fairly pleasant. Not much traffic, and what there is , is much more organized than in Kabul. The traffic circles even have lanes marked. The driver is pleasant and talkative, a contractor with Brown & Root. She says she gets paid just about the same hourly wage that she got driving school buses back in the States but she feels like she’s really making a killing because she works 12 hour days instead of 5 or 6, and she has zero living expenses as long as she’s here.

The arrival at the airport is less pleasant. There is no ticket waiting for me. The gate supervisor tells me that they don’t have the ability to do e-tickets in Qatar, and I should have picked up paper tickets at a travel agency. A critical point that our travel NCO failed to tell me. Paranoia sometimes comes in handy though.

I had printed a copy of my itinerary before I left Kabul, and on the strength of that, the supervisor printed off the boarding passes I’d need; one in Qatar, one for Amsterdam and one for Detroit. He also called Amsterdam to make sure I’d get through there. So, I ended up on the plane with no actual ticket. And, I still don’t have a ticket for the flight back.

The flight itself started with a half hour leg to Dammam, Saudi Arabia. We passed over Bahrain and saw the bridge that connects that country to Dammam. The two towns have more street lights than any other place I’ve seen from the air, not just the main thoroughfares, but seemingly EVERY street. ‘Course, they’ve got the fuel to spare…..

I slept for most of the six hour flight to Amsterdam, but was awake for the approach to the airport. Amsterdam also has some lighting peculiarities when seen from the air. Large, lit up oblongs of every shape and size scattered across the city, turned into greenhouses as we got closer. And, of course, a McDonald’s as we neared the runway.

We had to change planes in Amsterdam, and the lack of a ticket immediately became a problem. The boarding pass got me through security and up to the gate, where I was turned back twice for more information. They finally let me board, I think, just because I wasn’t going away.

The flight to Detroit allowed for several more hours of sleep. Once there, we’re delayed. First, the crew for our aircraft is coming in from Philadelphia, and their flight is late getting in. Once they arrive and preflight our aircraft, they find a major fuel leak, so it’s not going anyplace. By the time they find a replacement, we’re three hours late. And, oh, they want a ticket. A ticket that I don’t have.

My flight started out on KLM and is now shifting to Northwest. The Northwest gate clerk can find no record of my reservation at all. I tell her my sad story in great detail and she just shakes her head. Everyone else boards while she waits for a supervisor. I’ve hauled out my itinerary again, and when there is no response from a supervisor, she says, “It’d be a shame to stop you here, after you’ve made it all this way. I guess I’ll be the supervisor and the manager and just put you on the plane.”

Let out a long breath. I actually make it into St. Louis.

Day 314

Most of the conference is done. My part was very important!

When a Colonel asked, “Are these slides correct? Any change?”,

I replied, “Correct, sir. No change.”

Wow! That was worth bringing me halfway around the world and spending nearly three weeks by the time I get back. I could have spent the time being productive. I could have, …. wait a minute. I’m a STAFF officer. Being productive is not allowed. OK, getting a grip….